Why am I failing at what I don't love and not really even trying to do what I love? It's a thought I haven't been able to get out of my head ever since I saw the video.
I have a great job. I have a nice boss with a stable company, that has good ownership, who treats their people right. I earn a nice salary. When I get paid once a month, I put 50% of my paycheck into savings. I know what you are thinking, "What's the problem you big crybaby?"
The stress. The travel. The job. Everyone has a different definition of success. Some people want big houses and fancy cars. I want freedom and comfort. Sure, I want to pay the bills without struggle, but I'd rather drive a paid-off car and live in a small comfortable house with no debt.
My definition of success is the ability to enjoy a simple life. Sure, I want to work. Of course. I need a purpose, but not to the detriment of my sanity.
The problem is not the company. It's not the people, but the job itself wears me thin. Even though it is a great position that most anyone would be lucky to have, it is not a good match for my personality. While a challenging job can be an opportunity to grow and become a better person, it can also eat away at you when it is a daily struggle. I'm sure someone else could take this job and thrive on the pressure, but I feel like I am losing a part of myself as a person. What happened to that enthusiastic go-getter? I get a little further away from her every single day that I sit in that cubicle. I need a break. I need to reset.
It is the ultimate breakup: It's not you, it's me.
When the stress began to manifest itself in a physical way, I knew I had to make a change. It suddenly wasn't worth it. I put in my two weeks notice, which I am still in the process of working out, so this all feels surreal.
I have been working full-time for nearly twenty years and this is the first time I have ever left a job without having another one lined up. It feels so irresponsible. I am the level-headed responsible one in the family. We both can't be care-free.
I am fortunate enough to be in a position where we have low bills, big savings, and little debt. My husband owns a small security alarm business in the DFW area (if you need help with home security, let us know!). We will have to cut back on the frivolous spending and watch our outgoing money much closer, but we can swing this for awhile. I just need a break, then I think I will be ready to tackle the next chapter in my life.
Why am I not doing what I love? What do I love? I fully realize I cannot replace my full time income writing a blog or running races, but I can use some of the skills that come naturally to me to find something that is more suited to my personality. I
Now that I will have some free time on my hands, I am going to really focus on getting that personal training certification that I have been yapping about for so long. I am not even sure that this is the path that I ultimately want to follow, but it is a step in the right direction. I don't know what life has in store for me next. It is both exciting and terrifying. With my 40th birthday just three months away, one might accuse me of having a midlife crisis. Suddenly my personal happiness is more important than money. If that is my crisis, I'm OK with it.
So maybe Jim Carrey didn't make me quit my job, but his speech may have been the video that broke the camel's back.
p.s. One last thing and please know that I mean this in the nicest way possible. I am just trying to head off what I suspect could be coming next after a post like this one. Please do not read this blog post and see it as an opportunity to invite me to join your sales network. I am not interested in selling wraps or shakes. I realize that some people have success in these things and I wish you prosperity with it, but it is not for me at this time. Thank you for understanding.
Have you ever quit your job without another one lined up? Do you have any life advice or encouragement for me? Or am I crazy and irresponsible?
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